I get to choose…and I choose the good stuff! ~ Bertha from Bertha Size Your Life!


These words are much more than just a sentence from my first book. They are how I strive to live my own life. Sure, I’ve seen some rocky cliffs…sometimes I jumped off, sometimes I was pushed and sometimes, with Bertha’s help, I managed to turn and go the other way.

Let me just say going the other way…or choosing the good stuff…is much easier on your manicure. At least that’s what Bertha says! Welcome to my site. ~ Jane

When life hands you an ostrich—make a boa! ~ Bertha


Alabama author Jane Carroll gives a face, a wardrobe, and a flare to inspirational humor. Her writing weaves a rich tapestry of humor, inspiration, insight, southern roots, and friendship; perfect for readers in the empty nest period of life.

An advocate for life beyond 40, Jane’s words encourage, empower and motivate others who have seen trials and hardships. Readers pour over her words on her blog and in her book. They email and message her how a paragraph or sentence helped them through a difficult time, how her humor sparked a ray of hope and the will to go on, and how they found inspiration and healing.

A Bertha’s Dozen Jane Facts:


1. I hate milk. I drank my last glass, against my will, when I was 5 or 6. Mama had just waxed the kitchen floor. I won.

2. I wanted to study journalism in college. Mama wanted me to go to nursing school. Mama paid the bills. Mama won.

3. I have a condition called Chiari I Malformation. Basically, my brain didn’t fit in my skull. I guess that means I’m too smart for my own good. My neurosurgeon assured me that wasn’t the case. I had brain surgery to correct it in 2011. Afterwards, he still assured me my brain wasn’t too big…everyone’s a comedian.

4. I wanted to write a book of exercises to help empty nest women discover their true identities. It was a boring book. Thankfully, Bertha hijacked the book with her spandex, high-heels, big red hair, flamingos, lime green attitude and big ideas.

5. My sister Cindy gave a face to Bertha. She’s the artist in the family. Everyone always wanted her to paint them pictures for Christmas. One year I offered to give my family flu shots. They respectfully declined. So much for talents. Now I threaten to write them into my next book if they don’t behave. That seems to work out to my advantage.

6. I stole a belt from a store when I was two years old. Mama whipped me with it and took it back. So ended my life of crime.

7. I was awarded the title of Betty Crocker Homemaker in high school. I’m divorced and live alone. I’m thinking they may come after the title at any given moment. Shhh…don’t tell.

8. I have two beautiful daughters and two precious granddaughters. Sounds like we’re about to get on an Ark.

9. I have actually put on sandals and then painted the toenails that showed. Where did you think Bertha came up with that idea?

10. I have a thing about clothes. I remember what I wore the first day of school…lime green shorts and a matching plaid top…sounds like Bertha dressed me.

11. People ask me why I write. I smile. The answer is simply…because I breathe. I know that sounds trite but it’s the truth. I don’t know how to live life without writing. When I’m sad I write. When I’m happy I write. Writing is how I process my feelings. It keeps me sane…well…almost sane.

12. I actually met a redhead named Bertha right after the book was released. She was 83 years old and still working. She wore heels to work every day. She had once belonged to a Flamingo Club and was always known to have a great attitude. I was privileged to attend her retirement party a couple of years after that. She still swore I wrote the book about her. But…regardless…she’s not getting any royalties!

13. I have a traditional bio but I find it rather boring. I’ll let you decide: Jane Carroll, Author of Bertha-Size Your Life, is a Life Coach, Registered Nurse, Reiki Master, Mother, Grandmother, and long-time student of life. She has seen the focus of her over 30 year nursing career change from illness to wellness to wholeness, a philosophy that permeates everything she does. While she enjoys all aspects of her life, writing is her passion and she is currently working on Bertha’s latest adventures.

As for me and my house…give me spandex or give me death! ~Bertha

Recent Posts

Christmas Eve in November…

Cade 3Friday night… will go down in history… as one of the favorite nights of my life… right up there with the Christmas Eve when we came out of Church to find it snowing… right up there with the Christmas Eve when we went to Midnight Mass and came home to find that Santa Claus had visited while we were gone…

Yes… Friday night definitely was a Christmas Eve kind of night… as I attended Lawrence County High School’s… Red-White basketball games… essentially this is the intra-squad skirmish games which mark the official opening to the season… which would be fun… but hardly Christmas Eve worthy… except that this year… there was a star player for the varsity White team… Cade Jones…

Cade is a very special seventeen year old… he plays football… golf… soccer… and other sports… all on the Special Olympics teams… but last night… he was a starter on his high school varsity shoot ball team… something he’s wanted to do for a long time…

He was the last player introduced to the crowd… and his entrance to his WWE hero Randy Orton’s theme song… would have made Randy pale in comparison… Cade owned the crowd… fans were on their feet… demonstrating their enthusiasm for his appearance…

Cade 4Once the game started… I was impressed by the players… both Red and White… who made certain that this was an evening that Cade would always remember… his teammates… especially Chip… consistently passed the ball to him when it was time to shoot… at first he missed a few… but then his streak began… and he went on to score 19 points for the Whites… it may have helped that the Red team backed off and didn’t try to block his shots… although… one of his best friends… Trey… gave the appearance that he was trying to keep Cade from shooting… but he always allowed Cade to out maneuver him… of course… Cade will not realize that… he also won’t realize that the referees didn’t call his miss-dribbling or walking… he didn’t even seem to mind that in the final seconds… the Whites lost by a few points… because as the buzzer sounded… Cade rejoined his teammates on the floor… and got to shoot one more time… and that he will always remember…

Cade 3What I will always remember… and be grateful for… is… Coach Shane Childress… and his willingness to make Cade’s dream come true… a community which has embraced Cade from the day he was born with Down Syndrome… the finest group of athletes I could ever hope to know who truly delighted in having Cade be one of the team and willingly gave him the spotlight… his parents Steve and Dewanna who always see his potential rather than his disability… his Mim Cindy who gives of herself so easily to him… his entire family who always make him feel special and loved… and mostly… I am grateful that I get to be his great-aunt… and that I will have many more opportunities to witness the joy and delight in his face as he accomplishes one more goal…


And special thanks to Andy Bradford for the pictures… seems I forgot to take any…

Oh… and if you wondered what… Bertha… had to say… well… she was too hoarse from cheering to say much at all…

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