I get to choose…and I choose the good stuff! ~ Bertha from Bertha Size Your Life!


These words are much more than just a sentence from my first book. They are how I strive to live my own life. Sure, I’ve seen some rocky cliffs…sometimes I jumped off, sometimes I was pushed and sometimes, with Bertha’s help, I managed to turn and go the other way.

Let me just say going the other way…or choosing the good stuff…is much easier on your manicure. At least that’s what Bertha says! Welcome to my site. ~ Jane

When life hands you an ostrich—make a boa! ~ Bertha


Alabama author Jane Carroll gives a face, a wardrobe, and a flare to inspirational humor. Her writing weaves a rich tapestry of humor, inspiration, insight, southern roots, and friendship; perfect for readers in the empty nest period of life.

An advocate for life beyond 40, Jane’s words encourage, empower and motivate others who have seen trials and hardships. Readers pour over her words on her blog and in her book. They email and message her how a paragraph or sentence helped them through a difficult time, how her humor sparked a ray of hope and the will to go on, and how they found inspiration and healing.

A Bertha’s Dozen Jane Facts:


1. I hate milk. I drank my last glass, against my will, when I was 5 or 6. Mama had just waxed the kitchen floor. I won.

2. I wanted to study journalism in college. Mama wanted me to go to nursing school. Mama paid the bills. Mama won.

3. I have a condition called Chiari I Malformation. Basically, my brain didn’t fit in my skull. I guess that means I’m too smart for my own good. My neurosurgeon assured me that wasn’t the case. I had brain surgery to correct it in 2011. Afterwards, he still assured me my brain wasn’t too big…everyone’s a comedian.

4. I wanted to write a book of exercises to help empty nest women discover their true identities. It was a boring book. Thankfully, Bertha hijacked the book with her spandex, high-heels, big red hair, flamingos, lime green attitude and big ideas.

5. My sister Cindy gave a face to Bertha. She’s the artist in the family. Everyone always wanted her to paint them pictures for Christmas. One year I offered to give my family flu shots. They respectfully declined. So much for talents. Now I threaten to write them into my next book if they don’t behave. That seems to work out to my advantage.

6. I stole a belt from a store when I was two years old. Mama whipped me with it and took it back. So ended my life of crime.

7. I was awarded the title of Betty Crocker Homemaker in high school. I’m divorced and live alone. I’m thinking they may come after the title at any given moment. Shhh…don’t tell.

8. I have two beautiful daughters and two precious granddaughters. Sounds like we’re about to get on an Ark.

9. I have actually put on sandals and then painted the toenails that showed. Where did you think Bertha came up with that idea?

10. I have a thing about clothes. I remember what I wore the first day of school…lime green shorts and a matching plaid top…sounds like Bertha dressed me.

11. People ask me why I write. I smile. The answer is simply…because I breathe. I know that sounds trite but it’s the truth. I don’t know how to live life without writing. When I’m sad I write. When I’m happy I write. Writing is how I process my feelings. It keeps me sane…well…almost sane.

12. I actually met a redhead named Bertha right after the book was released. She was 83 years old and still working. She wore heels to work every day. She had once belonged to a Flamingo Club and was always known to have a great attitude. I was privileged to attend her retirement party a couple of years after that. She still swore I wrote the book about her. But…regardless…she’s not getting any royalties!

13. I have a traditional bio but I find it rather boring. I’ll let you decide: Jane Carroll, Author of Bertha-Size Your Life, is a Life Coach, Registered Nurse, Reiki Master, Mother, Grandmother, and long-time student of life. She has seen the focus of her over 30 year nursing career change from illness to wellness to wholeness, a philosophy that permeates everything she does. While she enjoys all aspects of her life, writing is her passion and she is currently working on Bertha’s latest adventures.

As for me and my house…give me spandex or give me death! ~Bertha

Recent Posts

Why Did the Sand Trap Cross the Road?

Jane CarrollRecently…I saw a man on the beach…with a golf club. My first thought was…  oh…he’s practicing getting out of sand traps…what better place?

About that time…Bertha…flitted by…in her purplest bikini…and asked me…if his time would be better spent…practicing getting out of a sand trap…or perfecting his swing so that he didn’t land in one in the first place…

Well…em…um…mmm…hmmm…it was like the chicken and the egg question…and I didn’t have an answer for her…

My first thought was…hello…he should perfect his swing…but then that little voice in my head said…well…what about when he hits the sand and he doesn’t know how to get out…he’s got to be prepared

So I have to admit…I didn’t know the answer to the question…

Of course…Bertha…was all too happy to give me her fifty cents worth…she never stops at just two…reminding us…that just like our life…every time we shift our focus to all the…what ifs…we take our attention off of our goal…when we’re planning how we will handle all the things that could go wrong…we’re not focusing on how to make things go right…and…things will most likely go wrong…because that has been our primary focus…then…we pat ourselves on the back…and say…wasn’t I smart to plan for that

So…continuing the golf analogy…she said that we should only focus on what we want…our swing…connecting with the ball…landing on the green…or whatever it is that golf balls are supposed to doperhaps a non-golfer shouldn’t be writing this post…and…the ball dropping into the cup…

But…what about when we land in a sand trap…

Interestingly…she said that as we focus on what we want…we will be inspired to take the actions necessary to bring that into our life…and that may include swinging around a sand trap…but…the energy of it will be different…we will be seeing the goal…not looking for the challenges…on occasion…the sand trap will just be part of the journey to the hole…it won’t be a big hairy deal…

Of course…I’ve spent some time in the contemplation chair over this one…and I understand the fine-line difference she is referring to…I also realize that it is the same lesson…dressed a little differently…that she was giving us last week…when she told us to lose our but

Changing a sentence from…

I want to be a good golfer…but…there are all these sand traps!


I want to be a good golfer…and I will figure it out…I am certain of it!

Here are…Bertha’s…suggestions for focusing on what we want…

She said it could be done a couple of ways…the first is visualization…it’s easy to do…just get quiet and daydream about our life if our dream had already come true…

Or…we can do it in writing…it’s called scripting…and we just write as if our dreams have already come true…an easy way is to make it a journal entry dated in the future…and just write all the wonderful things that are happening in your life…

Just remember…keep your eyes on the hole-in-one…and you won’t have to carry your golf clubs to the beach…unless you feel inspired to do so…


Coaching with Jane Carroll and BerthaThese techniques work well…whether you are focusing on your career or your love life or your health…in fact…they work so well that they are part of our new program…Banish Your Inner People Pleaser…this program is for you if you are tired of always saying yes to everyone else…and are ready to make a change in your life…

CLICK HERE for more information…isn’t it time to say YES to yourself?

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