Welcome

I get to choose…and I choose the good stuff! ~ Bertha from Bertha Size Your Life!

 

These words are much more than just a sentence from my first book. They are how I strive to live my own life. Sure, I’ve seen some rocky cliffs…sometimes I jumped off, sometimes I was pushed and sometimes, with Bertha’s help, I managed to turn and go the other way.

Let me just say going the other way…or choosing the good stuff…is much easier on your manicure. At least that’s what Bertha says! Welcome to my site. ~ Jane

When life hands you an ostrich—make a boa! ~ Bertha

 

Alabama author Jane Carroll gives a face, a wardrobe, and a flare to inspirational humor. Her writing weaves a rich tapestry of humor, inspiration, insight, southern roots, and friendship; perfect for readers in the empty nest period of life.

An advocate for life beyond 40, Jane’s words encourage, empower and motivate others who have seen trials and hardships. Readers pour over her words on her blog and in her book. They email and message her how a paragraph or sentence helped them through a difficult time, how her humor sparked a ray of hope and the will to go on, and how they found inspiration and healing.

A Bertha’s Dozen Jane Facts:

 

1. I hate milk. I drank my last glass, against my will, when I was 5 or 6. Mama had just waxed the kitchen floor. I won.

2. I wanted to study journalism in college. Mama wanted me to go to nursing school. Mama paid the bills. Mama won.

3. I have a condition called Chiari I Malformation. Basically, my brain didn’t fit in my skull. I guess that means I’m too smart for my own good. My neurosurgeon assured me that wasn’t the case. I had brain surgery to correct it in 2011. Afterwards, he still assured me my brain wasn’t too big…everyone’s a comedian.

4. I wanted to write a book of exercises to help empty nest women discover their true identities. It was a boring book. Thankfully, Bertha hijacked the book with her spandex, high-heels, big red hair, flamingos, lime green attitude and big ideas.

5. My sister Cindy gave a face to Bertha. She’s the artist in the family. Everyone always wanted her to paint them pictures for Christmas. One year I offered to give my family flu shots. They respectfully declined. So much for talents. Now I threaten to write them into my next book if they don’t behave. That seems to work out to my advantage.

6. I stole a belt from a store when I was two years old. Mama whipped me with it and took it back. So ended my life of crime.

7. I was awarded the title of Betty Crocker Homemaker in high school. I’m divorced and live alone. I’m thinking they may come after the title at any given moment. Shhh…don’t tell.

8. I have two beautiful daughters and two precious granddaughters. Sounds like we’re about to get on an Ark.

9. I have actually put on sandals and then painted the toenails that showed. Where did you think Bertha came up with that idea?

10. I have a thing about clothes. I remember what I wore the first day of school…lime green shorts and a matching plaid top…sounds like Bertha dressed me.

11. People ask me why I write. I smile. The answer is simply…because I breathe. I know that sounds trite but it’s the truth. I don’t know how to live life without writing. When I’m sad I write. When I’m happy I write. Writing is how I process my feelings. It keeps me sane…well…almost sane.

12. I actually met a redhead named Bertha right after the book was released. She was 83 years old and still working. She wore heels to work every day. She had once belonged to a Flamingo Club and was always known to have a great attitude. I was privileged to attend her retirement party a couple of years after that. She still swore I wrote the book about her. But…regardless…she’s not getting any royalties!

13. I have a traditional bio but I find it rather boring. I’ll let you decide: Jane Carroll, Author of Bertha-Size Your Life, is a Life Coach, Registered Nurse, Reiki Master, Mother, Grandmother, and long-time student of life. She has seen the focus of her over 30 year nursing career change from illness to wellness to wholeness, a philosophy that permeates everything she does. While she enjoys all aspects of her life, writing is her passion and she is currently working on Bertha’s latest adventures.

As for me and my house…give me spandex or give me death! ~Bertha

Recent Posts

Creeps in My Sleeps…

I had a creepy dream last night…it was one of those that felt so real…it was Jane Carrollhard to believe that it wasn’t actually happening…so…I did what I needed to do…I got up…turned on the lights…checked the windows and doors…and…played on Facebook for a while…and…thankfully I went back to sleep without further incident…

But…this morning…Berthawanted to talk about it…explaining to me…that all my dreams have a meaning to my life…and it isn’t always what I expect it to be at first glance…

So…we broke it apart…and looked at the pieces…I was surprised to find…that it actually represented the fact that I was carrying others’ burdens…and…that I needed to let them go

She gave me the image of a prospector’s mule…so loaded down with burdens…that are not its own…that it can barely trudge along the path…and…yes…she didn’t call it a mule…and…yes…she said she’d call me that…if I didn’t shape up…and…allow…everyone else…to manage their own lives…

Hmmm…

Thankfully…she said this doesn’t mean that I can’t lend a helping hand…it simply needs that I have to let go of the need to fix things for everyone else…

Then…she gave me a choice…I could either let go of these burdens that aren’t mine…or…she would keep sending me…creepy dreams

Well…friends…I hate to tell you…but…I’m gonna let their burdens go…frankly…none of them asked me to carry them anyway…and…most of them have no idea that I’ve been trying to carry them…and…honestly…most of them…would rather do it their way instead of mine…and…kind of resent my unrequested assistance…

Besides all that…I mostly don’t like creepy dreams…and…there wasn’t that much happening on Facebook in the middle of the night…

Jane

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