I Like Big Bottom Lines…I Cannot Lie…

I was talking with a friend this weekend…about relationships…their sentiment being…that there’s always a bottom line…a low point…an invisible line…that once it’s crossed…there’s no going back…unfortunately…it’s not something that can be articulated to the other person…ahead of time…

Well…you know me…I’ve contemplated that a lot since then…and…I can appreciate the truth to it…I’ve always thought of it as a door…that once closed couldn’t be reopened…but…I don’t think the image is as important as the concept…

In looking back to the times that I chose to end a relationship…I can see…there was always a decisive moment…when things could have gone either way…one action…one word…could have spared the relationship…but…left undone…left unspoken…there was no going back…even if the relationship continued for a time…it was empty…null…void…

Interestingly…I couldn’t have told you ahead of time…what that moment would be…maybe it’s the realization that things will never change…maybe it’s realizing that staying in the relationship is more painful than living without it…I’m sure that if I contemplate it long enough…I can find the common denominator…that elusive feeling that I can’t yet describe…

Bertha…was eavesdropping on the conversation…and my contemplation…she later told me that the bottom line…applies to much more than intimate relationships…it applies to my whole life…

She reminds me of jobs I have left…after being unhappy for some time…and not taking action…one day…it was just over…the thought of staying in the job was more painful than looking for a new one…and I started looking…

Then…there is my body…she reminds me of the events of the summer…when I realized that it was more painful to continue to seek comfort in food…than to create a healthier lifestyle…including releasing those foods…

And…she’s right…even though I wasn’t totally aware that the line had been drawn…that it was being crossed at the time…once it was…there was never a doubt…and…no going back…

Jane

Due Diligence…

As healthy as it is pretty!

As we were planning holiday menus…my daughter mentioned that she didn’t know what I could eat…or something like that…I think…Bertha…answered her…because…the response didn’t sound like…me

I can eat anything I want…but…I choose to eat…low fat…low carb…healthy

I didn’t think much about it at the time…but…I’ve caught myself saying it at other times…even to myself…when I chose not to eat biscuits at Mama’s last week…when I walk by the bakery at the grocery store…when I chose to carry the same lunch every day for the first five months of school…because it was easy and it worked…

I see that there have been a lot of choices involved…

Now that people have started noticing the weight loss…and are asking about it…I feel compelled to say…I’ve worked hard at it…but…Bertha…won’t let those words come out…replacing them with…I’ve been diligent about it…which is true…I have…I have carried my own food to my sisters’ houses for dinner…when their menu didn’t fit my needs…I’ve planned…I’ve been creative…I’ve made my food as attractive as possible…I’ve created mantras to get me through…but…none of it was hard…not really…

So…I had to ask…Bertha…why is it diligent instead of hard…she replied that the difference is the absence of depravation…that if I felt deprived…it would be hard…

She went on to say…that the reason I don’t feel deprived…is because I realize…this is my choice…I am choosing to lose weight…I am choosing to eat this way…no one…no upcoming event…is spurring me on…it’s my choice…I’m doing it for me…

I remember declining Thanksgiving dressing…eating broccoli and Brussels sprouts with my turkey instead…and…not feeling the least bit cheated…I knew I could take the day off…and eat it if I wanted…I knew it was a choice…not a rule…but…I didn’t want to…I wanted follow my plan…

Bertha…says that depravation stems from the sense…that someone…or something…outside of me…is controlling my life…and…that it’s the same with money…

Hmmm…something to contemplate…

Jane