No…Not for Sissys…

As many of you know…Bertha…has a thing about…living my truth…whatever that may be…and…most of the time…I’m okay with it…but…there are times…when it’s just plain difficult to do…

Oh…I can know what the truth is…I can accept it…it’s just when it comes to communicating it…that I have a bit of trouble…

That trouble coming from being the proverbial people pleaser…and…never wanting to hurt someone else’s feelings…or even disappoint them…which makes it very difficult to say…

No

In fact…I think that’s how I got married the second time…but…I digress…and that’s a story best left untold

It happened recently…when someone wanted more from me…than I was willing to give…so…what did I do…I took the soft approach…I made excuses…I thought they were thinly veiled…I thought they would see through them…to the…truth

They didn’t…

They continued to insist…I continued to resist…this time using my second favorite soft approach…avoidance…or…ignoring…which when I was gonna type it in that tense…came out…ignorance…which…Bertha…said was an apt description…

Because…you guessed it…they didn’t let up…what…you must not have heard me…because you aren’t responding

Until…Bertha…kind of rattled my cage…and asked…are you gonna live your truth…or are you just gonna tell other people to

Ouch…

It seems that unlike me…Bertha…doesn’t have a problem being a straight shooter…

Of course she was right…and…I put on my big girl panties…and…just said…no

The ironic thing is…I think it was more hurtful at that point…than if I’d just said it originally…spared…the insistence…the resistance…the ignorance…

Jane

The Floating Place…

Yesterday…the topic was…movement…AKA…change…and it continued to develop for me over the course of the day…as…Bertha…gently…and not so gently…continued to nudge me in the direction of movement…

Until…finally…I realized…she was nudging me over a cliff…

It’s not a new cliff…not entirely at least…I’ve set my life in that direction before…and didn’t consider it to be a successful endeavor at the time…which makes me more resistant this time…as I attempt to dig my toes into the sands of excuses…knowing that it is essentially futile to resist…but…trying all the same…as…Bertha…explains…I’m not the same person that I was ten years ago…five years ago…or…even last year…or…even yesterday…

She assures me that the opportunities will present themselves…I assure her I will take them…and…I hope I will…I hope I will open my eyes and ears enough to see them…to hear them when they knock…

The vision from yesterday…the woman dancing on the mountaintop…evolves…she’s floating over the edge of the cliff…not pushed…not jumping…just floating…her arms are outstretched…and…those billowy scarves have become wings…as she soars with the Angels…

Jane