Wasting Time…

Yesterday…I found out that the changes at work that had made me so sad…probably weren’t going to happen…

Hmmm…I was immediately reminded of Mark Twain’s quote…

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

So…I had wasted a lot of time…feeling sad…experiencing loss…and…it was unnecessary…

I was just about to…beat myself up about it…the futility of fretting and worrying…and all that kind of thing…but…Bertha…interrupted me…telling me that it wasn’t a wasted experience at all…

No…far from it…the contemplation of the proposed changes…had helped me to dig down to what was important for me…to what I cared about…to what I could do without…to what I had to have…to what I was grateful for…to what I believed in…

And…I have to agree…that wasn’t wasted time at all…

Jane

Shredding Sadness…

Funny thing about me…I tend to grieve…about change…in advance…I always have…so that by the time the actual event takes place…I…at least appear…to be…okay…

And…usually…I truly am…

That’s what happened yesterday…well…with a little help from…Bertha

I didn’t know she had a plan…when…suddenly on Thursday…I decided to…organize…my office paperwork…some of which I inherited six years ago

Plus…there’s the fact that I really felt bad the last two years…as I crawled out of the building at the end of school…stashing stuff that needed to be filed…into drawers to be attended to later…

Thursday…was later…

What I didn’t realize…as I questioned my sanity for starting the project…was that it was very…therapeutic…and…essential…in helping me deal with the sadness that I was feeling…

I mentioned…yesterday…that…anger…is one of the steps I needed to take…the only problem was…there was no one to be angry at…I understood and agreed with everything that was happening…I knew it was for the best…I just felt sad about it…how could I be angry…

Enter…shredding…

I didn’t have to be overtly angry…to work out that emotion…shredding did it for me…there’s something about sticking paper into a machine…and shredding it to bits…that works out the anger…

Truly…I was overwhelmed…with all the changes…and then…with the paper explosion I had created in my office…piles…stacks…everywhere…

Enter…organizing…

There’s something empowering…about organizing…it gave me a sense of…being in control…of more than just the paper piles…of my life in general…I was making order out of chaos…

A few of us went for a farewell lunch…we laughed a lot…but…saying goodbye could have been really difficult…

Enter…purpose

I had to get back to school…to finish those piles…I couldn’t…hang around…getting sadder and sadder…I still had work to do

And…I got it done…

Bertha…seemed satisfied…as I turned the key in the lock…leaving things in good shape…and…feeling the same…

Jane