It’s About Time…

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There are a lot of changes… losses of sorts… I should feel empty… but instead… I feel freedom… like it all fluttered out to make space for something else… or maybe not… maybe there is nothing else for me…

But… I don’t really believe that… there’s always something else… it might not be what I think I want it to be… but there is always something else…

That’s a nice thought…

There’s always something else… always something more… always something fresh… always a place to land when I fall… there is always something else…

Not sure how this writing will go… not sure where I want it to go…

Writing opens my heart and fills me with possibilities… possibilities that are sometimes painful… sometimes scary… sometimes it’s easier to stay closed…

At least… it was… but like that bud… sooner or later… being closed hurts too much and you have to open… flower… all over again… even though you know the blossom will eventually wilt… and fall away… it has to be done…

I’m 62 years old… don’t I think it’s time?

It’s time… isn’t it?

It is…

So… I will write… and on the days that it pleases me… I will share my words with the world… and on the days that it doesn’t… I will ponder them and squander them until another day…

Bertha flutters by… it’s about time… she whisper shouts as she goes…

 

Shhhh…Do You Hear That?

I’m trying…I really am…to listen to my body…to respond to what it is telling me it needs…but…it speaks so softly at times…that it is easy to ignore…it’s easy to push beyond what it is telling me…and do…exactly what I think I want or need to do…

I’ve talked about it before…years of self-abuse…ignoring warnings that my body tried to give me…eating when it wasn’t hungry…ignoring that queasy feeling from being over full…then…doing the pendulum swing…severely limiting food…trying to punish it for being overweight…ignoring that gnawing sensation…

It was the same with exercise…I’ve ignored that feeling of fatigue when my body was asking me to…move…and…I’ve pushed it to limits that would make a trainer on a nothing like reality weight loss show proud…ignoring the pain and fatigue that accompanies over training…in an effort to whip it into shape…

So…now…here I am…trying to listen…the problem is…I hear…I just don’t always understand what its saying…what it means…I suppose I haven’t fully learn its codes…and…perhaps they change…

I want to eat…but…am I bored…is my appetite hungry…or is it truly my body’s need for nourishment…

If…I am truly hungry…and it isn’t…time…to eat…maybe…I didn’t eat enough at the meal before…maybe I didn’t have enough protein to carry me through…maybe I need to look at what I’ve been eating…it could even be that my metabolism has speeded up a bit and processed my earlier meal more quickly…

The point is…my body isn’t letting me down because it is hungry…it’s trying to tell me something…something that I can tweak…something I can fine tune…

Even…when the answer is that I’m bored…it’s telling me something…I’m not challenging myself enough in some areas…there’s something that I want to do…but…I’m holding myself back…very valuable information…

It’s the same with my workouts…as I discern…lack of motivation…from…over training…learning…what my body’s limits are at this time…not those of some composite woman that the training program I’m following was designed for…

I’m listening when something is uncomfortable…when I’m fatigued…I’m adjusting what I’m doing…I’m giving myself more rest time…I’m honoring my aches and pains…and fatigue…and…yes…even that sensation of…I can’t wait to get to the gym

So…yes…unlike…Bertha…my body still speaks softly…but…I think…it has just as much wisdom to share…I just have to listen more closely…

Turning up my hearing aids

Jane