It’s About Time…

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There are a lot of changes… losses of sorts… I should feel empty… but instead… I feel freedom… like it all fluttered out to make space for something else… or maybe not… maybe there is nothing else for me…

But… I don’t really believe that… there’s always something else… it might not be what I think I want it to be… but there is always something else…

That’s a nice thought…

There’s always something else… always something more… always something fresh… always a place to land when I fall… there is always something else…

Not sure how this writing will go… not sure where I want it to go…

Writing opens my heart and fills me with possibilities… possibilities that are sometimes painful… sometimes scary… sometimes it’s easier to stay closed…

At least… it was… but like that bud… sooner or later… being closed hurts too much and you have to open… flower… all over again… even though you know the blossom will eventually wilt… and fall away… it has to be done…

I’m 62 years old… don’t I think it’s time?

It’s time… isn’t it?

It is…

So… I will write… and on the days that it pleases me… I will share my words with the world… and on the days that it doesn’t… I will ponder them and squander them until another day…

Bertha flutters by… it’s about time… she whisper shouts as she goes…

 

Giving Up on Me…

IMG_6039-2 copyFor a couple of weeks… I’ve had a song going through my mind… it was there when I went to bed at night… and still going when I got up in the morning… and even during those pit stops in between… it was there at work… it was everywhere…

Now… for years… I’ve gotten messages from songs… so of course I contemplated the meaning for me… Say Something… I’m Giving Up on You

It was strange… it didn’t fit… I’m not in a relationship… there was no one to give up on… and no one to give up on me…

Bertha… let me contemplate it for a bit… before she told me… she was the one singing… I was the one who needed to say something… who needed to write again…

And… it’s true… I do need to write again… I’ve taken a couple of months off… after feeling too many demands on my life… most of them self-imposed… but… it is time to get my fingers back on the keyboard again…

Interestingly… it wasn’t easy… there were so many excuses not to… invalid reasons… to keep my words bottled inside… but… Bertha… reminds me… reminds you… that when I block my passion… I block my soul… I can’t grow… and I can’t soar

I wonder… now that I’ve written this… if she will quit singing… and… I hope she won’t… the song is hauntingly beautiful… and just a reminder… not to give up on me…

Jane…