Fear of Commitment…


I went for a bike ride Saturday afternoon…it was a lovely day…the weather was perfect…not too hot…not too cold…in the words of…Baby Bear…it was just right…

I wanted to be outside…wanted to get some exercise…a bike ride just seemed like the thing to do…I didn’t ride that far…only around town…didn’t ride that long…about 30 minutes…didn’t go that fast…I just enjoyed the ride…

As I was enjoying the things I enjoy about riding…the sense of freedom…seeing things from a totally different perspective than when I drive…feeling the power of propelling myself forward…yellow butterflies fluttering by…I wondered…why I hadn’t ridden at all this summer…I know it was on my to-do list…when school got out…

There was a day…not so long ago…before my Chiari surgery…when I was riding at least 20 miles a day during the summer…and most weekends the rest of the year…I really pushed my limits…it was almost an obsession…

And…yet…it had been months since my feet touched the pedals…so…I had to wonder…why…

Bertha…was all too happy to answer for me…

She said…that prior to Saturday…each time I rode…or thought about riding…that I was looking at it from…an all or nothing perspective…either…I was going to be that girl…who rode with a vengeance…or…I was gonna be that girl with two bikes sitting in the garage with flat tires…

Bertha…further explained…that I hadn’t been riding because…I wasn’t ready to make a commitment to riding with a vengeance…so…I just let the bikes sit there…

Hmmm…well…yes…I suppose that could be the truth…

Luckily…she said…there is a third option…and I found it this weekend…and that is riding a bit…doing what feels good…when it feels good…that…a Saturday afternoon ride…isn’t a commitment to do a Century…a 100 mile ride…it’s just what it is…an enjoyable afternoon…

Of course…she didn’t let it go at that…she had to relate it to my life as well…other areas…where I have an all or nothing attitude…but…I think we’re out of time…so maybe we’ll discuss them later…and…maybe not…

Jane

2 thoughts on “Fear of Commitment…

  1. Jane, I often have that all or nothing perspective. If I can’t do it big…I don’t do it at all. Thanks for reminding me just to engage in what gives me pleasure. I really enjoyed reading this post.

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