The Fixer Upper…


For as long as I can remember…I’ve been what I would call a…fixer…if you mentioned something that was a problem…I would feel…compelled…to fix it for you…or die trying…

Now…on the surface…that sounds like a great thing…and…you may even be considering shooting me an email with all your problems listed…but…fortunately…for both of usBertha…has been talking to me about the wisdom of doing this…

First of all…she reminds me…that when I take charge…and try to fix things for someone else…I send them a couple of messages…one being…that I can do things better than they can…and…while…sometimes this is true…what have they learned…if I do it for them…if I took over every time a kid at school stumbled on an assignment…and did it for them…what would they learn…

Bertha…says it’s the same thing with life lessons…we may need some guidance…but…we have to learn our own lessons…if we want to continue to grow…

Then…she digs a little deeper…reminding me…that often times…my motivation for helping someone…was…actually…selfish…I was offering to do something…because…I wanted that person…to…need me…to be dependent on me…because…in some misguided way…I thought they would…love me more

Unfortunately…she says…that the opposite is usually true…people who depend on someone else…quite often…resent…them…oh…they may stick like band aids…and continue to ask for help…but…underneath it all…it isn’t love that they feel…

Now…don’t get me wrong…Bertha…isn’t saying that I should never help anyone…just that I should examine my heart before I do…am I taking over…when a bit of guidance would do…am I trying to buy affection…

Hmmm…good points…Bertha…I just wonder how they are going to play out the next time someone at work complains that the copier is jammed…

Jane

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