Heart Failure…


I’ve been working on the sequel to…Bertha-Size Your Life!…for a while now…seven years to be exact…well…to be honest…I haven’t actually worked on it all those years…oh…let me just start from the beginning…I think it’ll be easier that way…

I started the sequel when the first book was being published…that was the same time that I’d quit my job and sold my house…living off the equity…in order to be a fulltime writer…

And…as great as that time was…it was also a time of panic…I had to make a living as a writer…I had a limited reserve…I had to make it work…and quickly…

The only problem was…I write about my life…about my experiences…about the lessons I am learning…and…naturally all that fear and panic was as noticeable in my writing as red panties under sheer white pants…and…if I do say so myself…it wasn’t very good…it was whiney…the publisher didn’t like it either…it never made it off the editing table…

Then…the inevitable happened…I ran out of money…I either needed to go back to work in nursing…or die…and although I was never suicidal…dying did seem like the preferable choice…

Thankfully…a school nurse position became available…I was in the right place at the right time…I grabbed it with both hands…but…I let go of writing at the same time…couldn’t do both…or so I thought…

I felt jaded…like the wife of an unfaithful husband…heartbroken…and…not ready to trust again…except…it was my writing that I thought had been unfaithful…not realizing that it was my heart…not my words that had let me down…

So…I didn’t write…I journaled a bit…and that’s about it…I let go of everything related to writing…I packed all the…Berthas…along with everything connected to writing and stuffed it in a closet…

And…it all stayed there for several years…through thick and thin and brain surgery…until…finally…about a year ago…I started to get the urge to put pen to paper again…

From there my life has changed quite a bit…Bertha…has been rereleased by a new publisher…and I have undertaken the sequel again…rewriting the stories…sometimes more than once…taking out the whine and adding some shine…writing new stories to represent the new things I’ve learned…and…I’m almost satisfied with the first draft…but…there’s this one story that is holding me back…

The one that I just told you…the one where I let go of my dream…at least for a time…the one where I felt like a failure…I haven’t figured out how to write it yet…it’s not easy to be that transparent…that honest…and…perhaps…that is what makes it such an important story for the book…for my life…

Jane

16 thoughts on “Heart Failure…

  1. Oh Jane, I love the honesty and transparency in this post! Look forward to reading it in the book. Thank you for sharing! Love to you, Edie

  2. Hi Jane :) I can really relate to you so much and you are Bertha Sized in your heart and soul! I am so happy we met –even if only online. I appreciate you , and your honesty, and I know when your new book is finished it will be wonderful too. You are REAL and that is the best part :) Thank you!xo

    • Thanks, Hella…that is such a nice compliment. I’m glad we’ve met, too! I have count you as one of my true friends…online or otherwise! I’m hopeful that the new book will be fun and uplifting.

  3. It will be great… like all your writing and everything you do, you are thinking of others. You want to lift us up… lift our spirits… and you do that well! Just sharing this experience shows you have a big BERTHA heart! You are real! Looking forward to your new book!

    • Thank you sweet Mary. I appreciate your kind words so much. That is twice today that someone has said I am ‘real’. I think that’s the nicest complement that I could ever receive. Thanks for your support and friendship…and all your good recipes!

  4. You can do it. You’ve been through so much and over the last year you’ve firmly grasped you’re dream and you’re life in your hands. Bertha is all about picking things up and doing them not crying over the years we didn’t do stuff…

  5. Jane, This posting means so much to me because it speaks to the dilemma of so many writers. I love the way you are able to communicate the messages from your heart so clearly…

    • Thank you Linda…I appreciate your comment and support very much. I think it’s hard to be transparent about some things when they are fresh…but eventually…they find their way to the page albeit altered a bit. Thanks for stopping by.

  6. Oh Jane, now I feel even closer to you! I also packed away my writing for many years and felt it easier to go other paths. I am glad you and I both have returned to writing. I wish you so much success with your sequel. Thank-you for sharing your thoughts sweet friend xx

    • Christy…that is interesting…we do seem to have a lot in common. I’m so glad that we both returned to writing and ‘met’…love the connection and support!

  7. I love quote, “taking out the whine and adding some shine…”. Wouldn’t this world be a happier place if we could/would all do this?

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