Help!

Bertha…is bringing up a subject this morning…one that is mostly difficult for me…and probably for many of you as well…and that is…accepting help…and…even more difficult…asking for help…

This is truly a challenge…I’ve been fiercely independent for a long time…Mama recounts that as a two-year old I would stomp my foot…and proclaim…I’ll do it

Now you may think that was just a case of the terrible twos…and while I’m sure it was…I just kind of didn’t grow out of it…

So…it’s hard for me to accept help…even when I want it…even when I need it…and…although I’ve never been to intense counseling about it…I think it’s just a fear of being vulnerable…of seeming incapable…in some way…

Now…don’t get me wrong…I’ll probably let you help with the dishes if you come over for dinner…dislike of kitchen cleaning trumps vulnerability…every time

It’s the big deals that have always given me pause…although…as I write this…I realize…I’m changing…in that respect…I belong to a few groups that cross promote each other’s writing…and…I can now ask for what I need within the groups…it’s a start…

And…according to…Bertha…it’s an important start…because…there’s a balance between…giving and receiving…or…there should be…the more I receive…the more I accept…the more I can give…be it…time…money…ideas…support…

Hmmm…a lot to contemplate this morning…right after I ask…Bertha…why she doesn’t help with the dishes…

Jane

Shelter from the Storm…

Some things are just too vulnerable to write about…or to write about easily…to be really candid and open…it’s easier to hold back…to stuff them back inside…and go for fluffier topics…

Now…you might think I’m talking about a relationship…and…I suppose I could be…but…honestly…I’m talking about Hurricane Ivan…living on the gulf coast when he made landfall…

And…honestly…though I’ve tried several times…to write about the emotions that I experienced before, during and after the storm…I still can’t do it…they are too raw…too vulnerable…to make it on the page…

Oh…I can laugh and tell you about spending the storm sleeping on a swim float in my friends’ closet…but…I can’t describe the feeling of going into that closet…not knowing what would be there when we came out…

So today…I’m thinking about Hurricane Sandy…and all of the people who have been affected by her…wishing them well…wishing them safety…wishing them peace of mind…wishing them shelter from the storm…

Jane