I’m sad…
Bertha…assures me…I need to feel the sadness…then I can let it go…
Easy for her to say…
But…I don’t want to…I don’t want to be sad…I want to be happy…I want to laugh…I want to crack jokes…I don’t want to say goodbye to the people that I love…I don’t want today to be the last day that I work fulltime in my school…I don’t want to be shared with another school…I don’t want my friends to transfer…
I want things to be the way there are…imperfect as that may be…it’s what I know…it’s what I want…
I don’t want to be facing…funerals…for two dear friends…I want them…to be alive and well…
Is that too much to ask…
And…now…as I type…Frank Sinatra…is suddenly singing…I Did It My Way…on the radio…how could that be…Bertha…must have hijacked the station…
Okay…Bertha…I feel the sadness…I just don’t quite know what to do with it…
Oh…I know…the way out of sadness for me…it’s a maze I’ve maneuvered before…acknowledgement…anger…acceptance…appreciation…
But…it feels like…I’ve been…blindfolded…spun around…and told to…pin the tail on the donkey…I don’t have my bearings…
Then…the tears come…leading the way…
Jane
PS…I knew putting on makeup this morning…was…a…waste of time…
