A Recovering Junkie…

Some things happened last week…that while they weren’t life threatening emergencies…they were emergent in nature…and therefore…stressful…much more so than my normal…calm…little life has become…and while I wasn’t consciously rattled during the midst of things…when I got home…I was totally exhausted…drained…done

I turned on the TV and sat in the chair…and just didn’t move…for the longest time…

That’s when…Bertha…pointed out to me…that my exhaustion was actually the aftermath of an adrenaline rush…she also reminded me…of all the years…when I seemed to thrive on that rush…when I loved being in the thick of things…the crazier…the better…

Of course…once again…she had nailed me…I did…I just didn’t remember it feeling so bad afterwards…she said that’s because…it was such a constant thing…like ocean waves…continually rolling in…I wasn’t aware of the aftermath because I was already riding the next wave…

I see that now…I’m not sure exactly when I changed…but…as I recall…it was with…Bertha’s…encouragement…that I started writing…that I left the job that was slowly killing me…that I started changing my thoughts…one at a time…

And…I’m so glad that I did…

Jane

Perfectly Boring…

Some days…it happens…well…really it doesn’t happen…anything of interest…anyway…yesterday was one of those days…

I went to work…uneventful…and…even if it weren’t…I really can’t blog about that…confidentiality…and all…‘cause…I really like my house…wouldn’t want to lose it in a lawsuit…just to tell you what kid had a boo-boo…

Did errands after work…came home…ate…cleaned out the fridge…took out the garbage…washed the dishes…played on Facebook…Twitter…Email…

And…that was about it…no adrenaline flowing…all day…no major crises to attend to…no jumping out of planes…no putting out fires…and…no flowing tears…in a word…I could probably say it was…boring

But…I chose another word…perfect

I remember years…when I thrived…on adrenaline…on the rush…of a near disaster…real or imagined…sometimes…according to…Bertha…I even created some of those situations…albeit unconsciously…just for the rush…she even uttered those words…DQDrama Queen

And…I suppose they used to fit…I can remember…staying in the thick of things…in years gone by…now…maybe it’s age…maybe it’s wisdom…no…couldn’t be that…but…whatever the reason…I just want…peaceful days…and…I spend a good deal of time…doing things…that help me get just that…

Prayer…Contemplation…Reiki…Forgiveness Prayer…all help keep me centered…and…keep the adrenaline rush…at bay…

Now…don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying that I never…get involved…in a bit of gossip…get my dander up…stick my nose where it doesn’t belong…it’s just that I don’t enjoy it…like I used to…I find it unsettling…and…I do something to get back to center…

So…for now…when…I need a little…DQ…fix…I go for the other one…Dairy Queen…hey…ice cream…beats…adrenaline rush…any day…

Jane