Coming Unbound…

This summer…I’m learning balance…not by walking a tightrope…although…it does feel like it at times…no…I am learning to balance…boundaries…with…openness…

Quite frankly…walking a tightrope might be easier…

To say my relationship boundaries were…broachable…in the past…isn’t quite true…they were more…nonexistent…I would kind of just…blend…into the personality…of the person I was with…saying…it doesn’t matter…whatever you want to do…a lot…

And…the truth of the matter is…I really didn’t care…didn’t know what…I…wanted…but…I wasn’t happy…

Then…I spent several years alone…and…I began to do the work…to discover…with…Bertha’s…help…of course…what I do want…how I like to keep my house…how I like to eat…what kind of schedule I like to keep…where I like to go…all those kinds of things…

And…although…Bertha…did mention that I was getting a little set in my ways…I was really happy with all my boundaries…

Until…he…showed up…and…the real work began…

How…to keep my boundaries…my essence…and…still be open…to another person…and…allow…him to maintain his…

It’s tricky…at best…but…Bertha…says…it’s really simple…that…although I’ve spent a great deal of time…figuring out…exactly what I like and want…that doesn’t mean…those things are set in stone…no…rather…they are starting points…to help me decide…what is truly important in my life…to help me make choices…to make compromises…to stay open…to the fullness of life…because…as she says…

A full life…can’t be contained in a rigid boundary…it always…overflows…

Jane

Crossing the Line…

Yesterday…I set a boundary…now…I know…for most people…that isn’t a big deal…but…for me…the proverbial people pleaser…it truly is…so…once…I had defined the boundary to myself…I was loaded for bear…and…ready to defend it…

Thankfully…along came…Bertha…before I started a feud…that could have well ended a friendship…she said the situation…reminded her of my property line…it’s there…it’s precise…it has been recorded in the court house…but…when driving down the street…I can’t see it…yes…I have a good notion of where it is…but…I don’t feel the need to erect a concrete fence…to define it…

Once it’s there…and both parties know it’s there…it becomes a non-issue…

Oh…occasionally…her dog visits my side of the line…and…there was that Christmas when my grandkids…used all of my snow building a Snow Bertha…and…ventured into her yard for a few snow angels…

But…all is well…it’s a give and take…and…most of the time…without any fuss at all…we each stay on our side of the line…we respect the boundary…

And…that…Bertha…said…is exactly how I should treat this…I set my boundary…recorded it in the court house…so to speak…and…now…I should just let it go…knowing…that from time to time…it will get crossed…and that’s just fine…the snow angels are worth it…

Jane