The Caregiver

 

Losing your independence
You took mine
I gave as freely as I could
Kicking and screaming as I was
I couldn’t give enough of me
To reclaim your days gone by
But I tried
And then you left
It was your time to go
Everyone said so
But they didn’t see
The pieces of me you clutched tightly
As you faded away
Where are those pieces now
Do they still exist

I miss you Mama… every day… I especially miss our Sunday afternoon drives… with stops for forbidden ice cream… I miss you singing a little off key… and… swatting ChowChow with the fly flap… I miss her too… you both left me at the same time… I know… life goes on… I have my tiny haven at the lake… I have Thelma and Louise… but there’s a part of me you will always keep… tend it well.

Rest in Peace
Jane

Duck Duck Pelican

My life hasn’t been my own for a while… oh… well of course it has been my own… I wasn’t locked in a closet or stranded on a desert island. Nothing so dramatic as that… or maybe it was much more dramatic…

Three years ago, I sold my house and moved in with my aging Mother to be her primary caregiver and although she didn’t require constant care in the beginning… mostly me to be there at night for safety… my life changed. A lot. In ways that I can’t explain because I don’t even understand them myself.

I quit writing… not even in my journal… there just weren’t any words… they dried up. The emotions that I was feeling were too tender and raw. I didn’t want to read them and I didn’t want you to either.

I began yoga as my outlet… and it was incredible. The time I would have spent writing was spent on the mat… until it wasn’t… until… sitting by water… not writing… just sitting… and letting peace find me… was my survival…

My sweet Mama passed away in July… and I found myself living in a tiny house at the lake. For months I have eaten, slept, read and looked at the water… and it has been enough… maybe all I could handle… as I gave myself away… or was I merely resting… healing… storing up things to say… I’m not really certain… but I know the magnificent white pelicans wintering on my slew… bring magic every time I see them… perhaps they are bringing back the words which have hidden so deeply in my heart… those raw and tender words… that maybe I am ready to read and share…

And maybe… just maybe… Bertha is singing and dancing with the pelicans…

Jane

 

 

You can get your copy of Bertha-Size Your Life! here.