At the Rock…

My thoughts are popping like corn this morning…darting from here to there…and never quite settling on one thing to write about…should it be the crazy dream I had last night…the trip to my daughter’s last weekend…the fact that the flamingo did a nose dive in the yard…or…several other things that are floating through…

But…none of them seem just right…although…I do have pictures of the flamingo…and…some funny theories as to why it was pounding its head against a rock…it just doesn’t seem like what…needs…to come out this morning…

No…it’s deeper than that…I need to work through…my frustration…

For the past several months…I’ve been on a quite restricted dietary regime…not for weight loss…but…to correct some metabolic issues…that poor diet and lifestyle choices over the years…created…

And…it’s been…okay…I say…it’s not really…hard…it’s more…inconvenient

So…it was with hope…for some leniency…that I went for a recheck last week…maybe…yogurt…and…eggs…a couple of times a month…

Instead…I got…you’re doing good…keep it up until at least January…then…we’ll see

Okay…I have to admit it…I’ve been grumpy…I’ve been withdrawn…I’ve been in a funk…ever since…I’m tired of it…

I’m tired of being…different…based on what I cannot eat…I want to feel…normal…again…

Bertha…reminds me…I’ve never been…normal…I’ve always marched to my own drum…no point in trying to fit in now…

She goes on to tell me…it’s not the food that’s bothering me…it’s the feelings that I have associated with the food over the years…the self-nurturing that I have done…with food…most of which…is not on my list anymore…

Who is she kidding…none of my nurturing foods are on my list…and…somehow…broccoli and grilled chicken…just aren’t that soothing…

Thankfully…she said…that I don’t have to rely on food for nurturing…that I have so many…ways to do that…spending time in nature…meditation…contemplation…reading good books…exercise…spending time with people I love…writing…cooking…and…the list goes on and on…

Hmmm…she’s right…all of those things do nurture me…but there are times…when…only ice cream…would do the trick…

And…that’s when she joined the flamingo…at the rock…

Jane

I Can See Clearly Now…The Leaves Are Gone…

I love trees…I always have…there’s just something about them…
Traditionally…I’ve been a Spring and Fall girl…loving the leaves when they are tiny green shoots…and again…when they are in all of their colored glory…
One of my favorite neighborhood trees.
But…lately…I’ve been appreciating the trees themselves…winter trees…without their finery…
When I focus on the tree…on the shape…on the bark…on its innate beauty…on its foibles…undistracted by the leaves…it’s a totally different experience…
Bertha tells me that’s how I’ve been with people…my focus has been on their leaves…their clothes…their jobs…their families…their circumstances…that I haven’t seen who they truly are…she says that’s why…I felt that I had little in common with them…like I didn’t really fit in…
But…now…looking beyond the leaves…to the trunks…and the bark…I am learning…I’m not unique…I’m not the only one with insecurities…who wants to be loved…to be heard…to be known…to be understood…
Unlike a tree…it’s easy for me to hide my shape…my bark…my innate beauty…my foibles…nature doesn’t strip me of my leaves for four months out of every year…
Exposing myself as I truly am…is a daily choice…part of living my truth…
There is something quiet and restful about a tree without leaves…something unpretentious…proud…strong…patient…honest…all the things I strive to be…
Jane