One Trick Pony…

You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want. ~ Zig Ziglar

I just love when…Bertha…can’t directly get my attention…she starts sending me messages in other ways…usually…multiple times…and so it was with the above quote…first I saw it on Facebook…and it reminded me of my friend who is always doing so much to help others…so I shared it on her page…but…evidently…it was meant for me as well…because it showed up the next morning in a blog that I subscribe to…

This one is a bit hard for me…not that I don’t enjoy helping other people…I love that…it’s just…when do I have the time to do what I need to do…if I’m spending it helping others…

Bertha…says…not to worry…Zig doesn’t say that I have to do it all…alone…take care of myself and everyone else…the implication…is that when I am giving to others…that things will flow back to me…either by someone else helping me…or…that they’ll just go easier…being in the right place at the right time kind of thing…

The trick is…to allow that help to come to me…that’s not easy for me…Mama says that at two I stomped my foot and said…NO! I’ll do it myself…and…I guess I haven’t changed that much over the years…somehow thinking that in doing it…myself…I was somehow proving I was a strong person…letting go of that stubborn independence…is tough for me…but…just for today…I’m going to try…

Jane

Need a Pencil…Take One of Mine…

I was raised…not to ask for things…from other people…thankfully…that didn’t apply to Mama…we could…and did…ask her for lots and lots…but…I digress…growing up…I would never have considered going to someone’s home…and asking for something to eat…

In fact…I would turn something down…if it were offered…even if I were hungry…of course…that didn’t count when spending the night away from home…I ate then…but…say I went to visit an aunt…for the afternoon…and…she asked if I wanted something…I’d say no…and…if Mama were there…and I said…yes…I’d get…that look…you know the one…

That practice…of not asking for…or accepting…what I want…has carried over into adult life…and…like many of you…I find it very difficult to do…

I don’t find it to be quite so difficult for today’s generation…I can be sitting at my desk at school…I’m a school nurse…eating lunch…and just as I’m about to put a bite of something in my mouth…a child will come in…and…ask…can I have that…

Now…I rarely comply with their request…something in my brain…alarms…with shared germs…allergic reactions…law suits…but…mostly…I’m hungry…and don’t want to give up my lunch…

They also come in…asking for pencils…pens…money…they get…pencils…pens…

But…it did get me to thinking…what’s best…to ask for nothing…even when you need it…or…to ask for everything…even if you could do it for yourself…

Of course…Bertha…gets involved in the contemplation…explaining…that neither is best…that it is truly…somewhere in the middle…that it has to do with…independence…dependence…interdependence…

She further said…that my being…stoic…really isn’t productive…in many cases…and…caused undue stress…and…made me work harder than I needed to at times…and…she’s right…but…I will say…even though if I come over for a quick visit…and you offer me something…I’ll probably say…no thank you…I am getting better about…asking for…and accepting help…when I really need it…

But…she did say…that…the children’s approach…of asking for any and everything…isn’t the best way…either…that…they are learning dependence…and…lack of responsibility…

Evidently…there’s a balance…between…giving and receiving…and…I need to do both…when I only give…I become a martyr…and…yes…I’ve played that role very well at times…when I only receive…I become detached…disconnected from my true being…I feel…entitled…

But…that in giving and receiving…freely…I become…open…vulnerable…strong…

It makes sense…so…now…I wonder…how much…doI need to receive…in order…to bring…handing out a pencil…into balance…today…hmmm…

Jane