Stop That Thought…

It started out to be one of those days…well…it started last night…you know…the night that the lights went out in New Orleans…which kept me up later than I had intended…which shifted my gym plans for the week…which shifted my wake-up time…which threw my precarious schedule all of track…then…there was the run in my tights…and…several of other little snigglet things…

Anyway…from my experiences so far this morning…today has the potential to be one of those…the worse it gets…the worse it gets…kind of days…

Enter…Bertha…wearing a reflective vest and yielding a stop sign…and…no…she wasn’t on her way to the school crossing…she was headed straight to me…reminding me that every day…every moment…has the potential to be a…worse…moment…or a…better…moment…the choice is always mine…it’s really all about where I put my focus…

So…I sit here…redirecting my focus…appreciating the fact that I have the flexibility to shift my workout days to alternate days…that I build enough time into my morning schedule that I can sleep later and really still be okay…that I was able to stop the run in my tights with nail polish…that I have a new pair in the drawer to wear next time…and…it’s then I realize…nothing has really…gone so terribly wrong…in fact…everything may be just right…and…in that moment…the light shines brightly…in my little corner of the world…

Jane

Janerella…

Once upon a time…in the faraway land of 1989…I owned a green silk dress…now…it wasn’t just any green silk dress…it was a magic green silk dress…the one that fit like a glove…the one with one big black button showing at the neckline…and a black patent belt at the waist…the one with a flowing skirt…the one that made me feel like a princess…
I knew it was magic when I saw it…it was perfect…I’d wear it to…
Okay…now…don’t get all in a flutter…there wasn’t a ball…this isn’t that kind of fairy tale…I was going to Birmingham…for a pap smear…and then meeting a male friend for lunch…not a Prince Charming…just a friend…but I wanted to look nice all the same…
I used to work for the doctor I was seeing…this was my first trip back…after moving home to Moulton following…the d-i-v-o-r-c-e…I wanted to look exceptionally nice…they were my friends…so…I wanted to impress…
I dressed with extreme care…good black underwear…new black pantyhose…black heels…hair and make-up just so…I looked so good…I’m sure the Prince would have chosen me over that cinder slipper girl
We lived just down the street from the Elementary School…and morning school traffic was still passing the house as I loaded the car for my trip…
I noticed a rather run down car slowing as it passed…and the woman driving…looking intently at me…I puffed up a bit…I knew she was thinking how beautiful I looked in my green silk dress…I felt bad for her…knowing she probably didn’t have one so nice at home…
I left the house…and drove to the walk-up automatic teller…on our main street…I’d stepped in something along the way…and I spent a few minutes…wiping my shoe on the grass before going in the little glass building…
Money in hand…I proceeded to drive to Cullman…where I stopped for gas…after finishing at the pumps…I started in for a potty break…when I noticed…a definite breeze…my hand instinctively went to my derriere…where I felt…lumpy pantyhose…not the flowing silk I was anticipating…
Yup…you got it…my dress was without a doubt tucked into my pantyhose…the woman in the rattle trap car wasn’t envious of my beauty…she was laughing her fool head off…wondering whether she should blow the horn and tell me or not…she chose not
There is no telling how many people drove by as I scrapped my shoe on the grass outside of the bank…and by the way…what I had stepped in…did not smell good…not to mention…the people watching me pump gas…
I can literally say…I showed my butt all over town…and then some…
And…like all fairy tales…this is a day…I will never forget…
But you know me…over the years…I’ve looked for the meaning in it…and I’ve found several…
Of course there’s the obvious…pride goeth before tucking your dress into your pantyhose…
Then there’s…pride goeth before tucking your dress into your pantyhose…
But…the one that is really sticking with me today…the reason that I’m telling you this story…
Oh great…it just hit you…that I’m a shoplifter…and a streaker…geez…I would say don’t tell Mama…but she already knows…but…I digress…
What comes to mind today…is the fallacy of…faking it
Now…faking it…certainly worked for Sally…when she met Harry…or at least it made good comedy…but I’m not sure that’s how I want to live anymore…
That’s right…I’ve done my share…
Answering…I’m fine…when I wasn’t…and…there was no reason to lie…but I did…not sure who I was trying to convince…me or them…
Saying…nothing…it’s okay…when I was angry or hurt…
And the list could go on and on…and I’m already humiliated enough for the day…you’ll just have to guess at the rest…
Now…I’m not here to say that I think I…or anyone…should share every emotion with the world…okay…I saw you roll your eyes…I had an emotion last week that I didn’t tell you about…I don’t tell you everything…so there
But…rather…I’m thinking that instead of putting on a front for others…pretending to feel some way that I don’t…wouldn’t it be better to take the steps to actually feel better…to heal…to be kind to myself…to say the forgiveness prayer…to spend time in contemplation…to get some exercise…to take some deep breaths…to get out in nature…to seek help if I need it…to live my truth…
And wouldn’t it be better to check out my backside in the mirror…before I leave the house…
Jane