Fast Forward…Past Forgiveness…

Jane CarrollIt’s easier to trust the future when you forgive the past. ~Bertha

I have a whole list of…Berthaisms…which I plug into Random.org when I’m feeling a few ideas shy of a blog…this is what I got today…

My first response was…really…moi…surely that doesn’t apply to me…

But…Bertha…assured me that it most certainly did…as she brought to mind an incident from my past…one that I really haven’t forgiven myself for…even though it’s been quite a long time…

Okay…busted…I’ve excused it…I’ve understood it…but…I haven’t fully forgiven it…

And…she pointed out…that it is holding me back…from moving forward in life…in the way that I want to…

Ouch…

So…how do I…forgive…the past…so that I can…trust…the future…

For starters…Bertha…says to spend some time…really looking at the situation… remembering the details as best as I can…what were my feelings at the time…

Shame…guilt…disgust…

Then…she says to…start by forgiving the feelings…

Huh…shouldn’t I be forgiving the actions…

No…she said the actions would come later…that the feelings…were self-sabotaging…they were me…selling myself short…thinking the worst of myself…she said the actions are long gone…it’s the feelings which I keep holding on to…and that are holding me back…

So…it’s contemplation chair time…practicing the Forgiveness Prayer…for the shame…guilt…disgust…I have been carrying around like a spare tire…pulling it out when things were going really good…telling myself…that maybe I didn’t deserve it so good…and…pulling back…

The Forgiveness Prayer…Ho’oponopono…is simple…I love you…I’m sorry…please forgive me…thank you… said simply between…me…and…me…

Jane…

Coaching with Jane Carroll and BerthaYou may wonder why I don’t just tell you what the situation was…and…that’s because…Bertha…says that…what you imagine it is…is probably what you need to forgive in your own life…she’s sneaky like that. Bertha and I would love to help you finally forgive those things in your past which are holding you back from the future of your dreams. Send us an email… janecarrollauthor@charter.net

 

Runaway…

For as long as I can remember…when things got stressful…I wanted to run away from home…

As a preschooler…that meant…running away to…Aunt Lizzie’s house…she lived about a quarter mile up the dirt road from us…I never made it all the way…there was a small tree about halfway…it was there that I would stop to rest…and…Mama…would retrieve me…with a spanking and a hug…and…a grave promise from me…not to do that again…

Of course…I lied…

I can remember…lying in bed…as a teenager…experiencing…all the angst…that a hormonal girl can feel…and…wanting to hop in my 1959 VW Beetle…and hit the road…fortunately…I never did that…but…the longing was always there…

During my divorce…from my once husband…the need to flee…became great…and…I did…I ran away from home…well…not really…people knew where I was…my kids were taken care of…but…I did take a long weekend to St. Simmons Island…and…it felt like…running away

Years later…going through a particularly stressful time at work…getting ready for a JCAHO survey…and…some personal issues…I wanted to…BOLT…but…it was a time…that I had…neither…time…nor…money…to do so…

Just before all sanity left me…a little voice…yes…I’m sure it was…Bertha…even though I didn’t know her at the time…said…why not run to Sipsey…

Sipsey…of course…the Bankhead National Forest…and…Sipsey Wilderness…are minutes from my house…I’ve been going there…since I was a toddler…

I donned all my winter garments…including a pair of oversized bright orange coveralls…and…hit the trails…I remember…the freedom…and release…I felt that day…it was the perfect escape…

And…just in case…I needed any confirmation…I found my name…carved…in stone…on a huge rock…jutting out into the water…the perfect spot…for contemplation…

Bertha…says…that…there’s nothing wrong with my need to…run away…that…it is actually a good thing…to give myself the space I need…to recharge…to sort things out…when things get stressful…

She just reminds me…to be selective in how I do it…to choose ways…that actually…recharge me…rather…than adding more stress to my life…

And…Sipsey…still fits that bill…to a tee…

Jane