It’s a Gift…

Bertha…is talking to me this morning about taking gifts for granted…I argued…I’m always grateful for gifts…profusely thank the giver…savor them in my heart…but…she insists…that I get gifts many times each day…that I totally take for granted…

Smiles…

I must admit…I furrowed my brow a bit at that one…how can smiles be gifts…and…if they are…could it simplify my Christmas list next year

Of course…she was more than happy to explain…when someone smiles at me…it is a true gift…they are putting aside their concerns…their worries…their physical discomfort…possibly even their fear of rejection…and giving me a smile…to say hello…to brighten my day…to bring me comfort…to make me feel accepted…to make me feel better about myself…

Wow…I’ve never thought of a smile that way…but…she’s right…it is a gift…and…while I probably won’t send a thank you note for each one…at least for today…I’m going to savor them in my heart…for the gift that they are…and…I may even give a few extra ones myself…

Jane

Help!

Bertha…is bringing up a subject this morning…one that is mostly difficult for me…and probably for many of you as well…and that is…accepting help…and…even more difficult…asking for help…

This is truly a challenge…I’ve been fiercely independent for a long time…Mama recounts that as a two-year old I would stomp my foot…and proclaim…I’ll do it

Now you may think that was just a case of the terrible twos…and while I’m sure it was…I just kind of didn’t grow out of it…

So…it’s hard for me to accept help…even when I want it…even when I need it…and…although I’ve never been to intense counseling about it…I think it’s just a fear of being vulnerable…of seeming incapable…in some way…

Now…don’t get me wrong…I’ll probably let you help with the dishes if you come over for dinner…dislike of kitchen cleaning trumps vulnerability…every time

It’s the big deals that have always given me pause…although…as I write this…I realize…I’m changing…in that respect…I belong to a few groups that cross promote each other’s writing…and…I can now ask for what I need within the groups…it’s a start…

And…according to…Bertha…it’s an important start…because…there’s a balance between…giving and receiving…or…there should be…the more I receive…the more I accept…the more I can give…be it…time…money…ideas…support…

Hmmm…a lot to contemplate this morning…right after I ask…Bertha…why she doesn’t help with the dishes…

Jane