Rumor Has It…

There’s a nasty rumor circulating about…Bertha…somehow…it got started…and I don’t know how…well…maybe I told a few people…but…only my closest friends…and everyone on Twitter and Facebook

Anyway…it’s going around…that…Bertha…is…cheap…and…she has taken offense…

Now…in my defense…not that it matters…I don’t think I’ll get a fair trial…and I’m not sure I have any peers…but I digress

I did not mean…cheap…in the…tawdry…sense…and…did I ever call her that…

No…

Although…she is rather flashy and flamboyant…and insists on the highest heels and stretchiest spandex…I never once questioned her morals…in fact…I have to say…she’s got an excellent value system underneath all that…gaudy exterior…and…she’s one smart kooky…on top of it all…

My intent…was merely to let everyone know…that…they could get to know…Bertha…for only 99 cents…until June 9th…

I suppose I should have been more careful in my wording…but…honestly…99 cents…for all of…Bertha’s…wit and wisdom…is pretty dog gone…cheap

Ooops…I said it again…and she’s giving me the eye and climbing on a soapbox…

She says…this whole situation reminds her of my life…and…rumors in general…there’s usually a grain of truth to what is being spread…but…somehow…either on accident or on purpose…it all gets misconstrued…

So…for the record…

Bertha…is not a floosy…is not tawdry…but…she is…cheap

That’s my story…and…I’m sticking to it…

Jane

PS…if you have a Kindle…and don’t have a copy of…Bertha-Size Your Life!…now would be a great time to get one…and…send a copy to all of your friends…then you can laugh together…

I Call It Bertha…

If I had a nickel for every time someone has told me that they wished Bertha lived with them…well…I’d have at least fifteen cents…but…one of them was that sleazy guy down at the service station…so…that might not count…still…at least I’d have a dime…not that I could even make a phone call with it anymore…

Seriously…women have made that statement to me…and there are days when I’d love to say…here…take her…let her tell you what to do for a while…but…I don’t…because…in truth…I know…she’s already moved in…

She’s sneaky like that…

Or…at least she was with me…I was simply going about my business…trying to write a book about empty nest and self-discovery…when Bertha appeared on my doorstep…and changed my life…one thought at a time…

She didn’t lecture…not in the strictest sense of the word…which was a good thing…because I’d learned to block those out a long time ago…sorry Mama…I know you meant well…although…she would jump on a soapbox at the drop of a hat…showing me things from a new perspective…

Looking through Bertha’s eyes…negative events began to become learning experiences instead of the devastation they had once been…I began to pay more attention to my thoughts…and…if I didn’t…Bertha was there to remind me…you’re spending a lot of time thinking about this…is it what you really want…no…then why not think about what you do want

And…slowly…my life began to change…and…honestly…it still is…that’s the thing about it…it’s a process…not an event…

But…I have digressed…

To my friends who wish for Bertha to live with them…I can only say…she’s already there…she’s always been there…you just have to listen…she speaks very softly in the beginning…growing stronger as you give her your attention…

Now…some people call that…listening to their heart…or…their intuition…I just gave it a name…and a wardrobe…I call it…Bertha

Jane