True Confessions of a Middle-Aged Blogger…

I recently read a blog…about how to blog…it was very helpful…first it said to write everything…then delete at least half of it…I’d already figured that out…quite often it’s about the third paragraph that becomes the first…I wonder if you’ll get to read this one…hmmm…we’ll see…
Another of his tips was to tell your readers things that they don’t know about you…and yet another…was to honestly tell about your shortcomings…
Today I have decided to combine those two…and as painful as it is…here goes…
When I was young…much younger…about 55 years younger to be exact…now since you may not be aware of my exact age today…that made me be two at the time…I was caught shoplifting
The story goes that I was in a store with my Mother…and saw this navy blue plastic belt…with holes all the way around it…of course I wanted it…I must have had a Bertha flare…even then…Mama said…NO…I grabbed the belt…and ran out of the store…and into the street…where there was…probably no traffic…we are talking Moulton in the fifties…anyway…Mama pursued…captured…whipped me with the belt of my dreams…then returned it to the store…
The sales clerk…either desperately needing a sale…or being an indulger of strong-willed children…insisted that Mama buy me the belt…her argument was that I wanted it so badly…I’d risked my life for it…okay…she was dramatic as well…
Mama…on the other hand…said that was exactly why she wouldn’t buy it…and we left the store…
Call it selective memory…I don’t recall the incident at all…but…I do recall the belt…see…several months later…Mama did buy it…and I had it for many years…with all those holes…it fit for almost ever…in fact…if it hadn’t broken…I’d probably still be wearing it today…quit laughing…it would have made a good necklace…but…I digress…
I’m not sure why Mama didn’t just buy me the belt when I wanted it…my guess is…she didn’t have the money at the moment…
But…I’ve learned a valuable lesson from the events of that day…all dreams aren’t instant…no matter how much you want them…no matter how much you try to take things into your own hands and force them…sometimes…you fail…are humiliated…are forced to give up…and then sometimes…sometimes…you get a second chance…
Funny how writing brings out things I wasn’t intending…but…Bertha is here to point out…that this story very much parallels my writing…
I wanted Bertha-Size Your Life to be successful so badly…I risked everything…sold my house…took things into my own hands…tried to force it to happen…but…it didn’t…I was humiliated…I gave up…quit writing for several years…and now…somehow…someway…I’m being given a second chance…I’ve…or should I say…we…have just received a third place Extreme Author Makeover from MasterKoda
Seems that this little navy blue belt…is just my size…
Jane

True Confessions…of a Clothes Horse…

They say…confession is good for the soul…well then…my soul is gonna be better for this…so here goes…
It started the first day of first grade…I wore shorts…cute little lime green shorts with a matching plaid top that had a metallic thread…yes…I remember in that much detail…I also remember that all the other little girls had on dresses…
Thus started the…what am I gonna wear…obsession…maybe you know how it goes…
Ring…ring…you wanna go out with a bunch of us on Thursday?
Ah…um…sure…what’ll ya’ll be wearing?
And it’s a double edged sword…not only do I want to blend in…I want to look good…the only thing is…it doesn’t matter how many clothes I have hanging in my closet…I never seem to have exactly what I think I should wear…if I have the funds…I buy something new…but…quite often I go…feeling uncomfortable…ill at ease…because I don’t think I have on just the right thing…
If a mere evening out with friends puts me in a dizzy…imagine what major events do…a date…well…haven’t had to worry about that one in a while…but…it would definitely require a new outfit…a speaking engagement…always cries out for a new outfit…even if they’ve never seen me before
So…I shouldn’t have been surprised when my friend Edie Galley asked to interview me for her radio show…that my first concern was…what should I wear…not…what am I gonna say
Just for the record…the interview is done over the phone…no one…not one single person could see me…but…I was very authorish…in black leggings…long, black bubble top…and purple ballerina flats…silver jewelry completed the ensemble…my hair and makeup were nicely done…my legs were clean shaven…and my toenails were freshly painted…
Now…you may be thinking that this means I’m insecure…not sure I’m gonna fit in…and I believe you’d be right…you’re getting as smart as Bertha…who of course has something to say about this…
She says it’s another layer of living my truth…of feeling good about who I am…regardless of how I…or anyone else is dressed…it’s about buying clothes that I love…that speak to me…and just knowing that I’ll fit in wherever I do…and if I don’t…it’s not the clothes holding me back…
This one…is gonna take some more time in the contemplation chair…hmmm…wonder what I should wear…
Gotcha!
Jane