My life hasnāt been my own for a whileā¦ ohā¦ well of course it has been my ownā¦ I wasnāt locked in a closet or stranded on a desert island. Nothing so dramatic as thatā¦ or maybe it was much more dramaticā¦
Three years ago, I sold my house and moved in with my aging Mother to be her primary caregiver and although she didnāt require constant care in the beginningā¦ mostly me to be there at night for safetyā¦ my life changed. A lot. In ways that I canāt explain because I donāt even understand them myself.
I quit writingā¦ not even in my journalā¦ there just werenāt any wordsā¦ they dried up. The emotions that I was feeling were too tender and raw. I didnāt want to read them and I didnāt want you to either.
I began yoga as my outletā¦ and it was incredible. The time I would have spent writing was spent on the matā¦ until it wasnātā¦ untilā¦ sitting by waterā¦ not writingā¦ just sittingā¦ and letting peace find meā¦ was my survivalā¦
My sweet Mama passed away in Julyā¦ and I found myself living in a tiny house at the lake. For months I have eaten, slept, read and looked at the waterā¦ and it has been enoughā¦ maybe all I could handleā¦ as I gave myself awayā¦ or was I merely restingā¦ healingā¦ storing up things to sayā¦ Iām not really certainā¦ but I know the magnificent white pelicans wintering on my slewā¦ bring magic every time I see themā¦ perhaps they are bringing back the words which have hidden so deeply in my heartā¦ those raw and tender wordsā¦ that maybe I am ready to read and shareā¦
And maybe… just maybe… Bertha is singing and dancing with the pelicans…
Jane
You can get your copy of Bertha-Size Your Life! here.
Oh Jane, I so understand that lost feeling after care giving. It is so difficult to allow ourselves to heal and focus on ourselves! I applaud you for moving in self care direction. Yoga, meditation and just being still and breathing are essential.
I love this post and you sharing your journey!
And yes, Bertha is singing and dancing with pelicans (and maybe your Mamaš„°)
Love and positive energy coming your way,
Michelle
Michelle, I agree. We are the harshest with ourselves. Healing time… however it looks is so essential.
Many Hugs!
Jane
I am so glad to see you! I am sorry about your mother, but I am so glad you have found peace.
Thank you Sandy. I am in a peaceful place.