My life hasn’t been my own for a while… oh… well of course it has been my own… I wasn’t locked in a closet or stranded on a desert island. Nothing so dramatic as that… or maybe it was much more dramatic…
Three years ago, I sold my house and moved in with my aging Mother to be her primary caregiver and although she didn’t require constant care in the beginning… mostly me to be there at night for safety… my life changed. A lot. In ways that I can’t explain because I don’t even understand them myself.
I quit writing… not even in my journal… there just weren’t any words… they dried up. The emotions that I was feeling were too tender and raw. I didn’t want to read them and I didn’t want you to either.
I began yoga as my outlet… and it was incredible. The time I would have spent writing was spent on the mat… until it wasn’t… until… sitting by water… not writing… just sitting… and letting peace find me… was my survival…
My sweet Mama passed away in July… and I found myself living in a tiny house at the lake. For months I have eaten, slept, read and looked at the water… and it has been enough… maybe all I could handle… as I gave myself away… or was I merely resting… healing… storing up things to say… I’m not really certain… but I know the magnificent white pelicans wintering on my slew… bring magic every time I see them… perhaps they are bringing back the words which have hidden so deeply in my heart… those raw and tender words… that maybe I am ready to read and share…
And maybe… just maybe… Bertha is singing and dancing with the pelicans…
You can get your copy of Bertha-Size Your Life! here.
Oh Jane, I so understand that lost feeling after care giving. It is so difficult to allow ourselves to heal and focus on ourselves! I applaud you for moving in self care direction. Yoga, meditation and just being still and breathing are essential.
I love this post and you sharing your journey!
And yes, Bertha is singing and dancing with pelicans (and maybe your Mama🥰)
Love and positive energy coming your way,
Michelle, I agree. We are the harshest with ourselves. Healing time… however it looks is so essential.
I am so glad to see you! I am sorry about your mother, but I am so glad you have found peace.
Thank you Sandy. I am in a peaceful place.