My life hasnāt been my own for a while⦠oh⦠well of course it has been my own⦠I wasnāt locked in a closet or stranded on a desert island. Nothing so dramatic as that⦠or maybe it was much more dramaticā¦
Three years ago, I sold my house and moved in with my aging Mother to be her primary caregiver and although she didnāt require constant care in the beginning⦠mostly me to be there at night for safety⦠my life changed. A lot. In ways that I canāt explain because I donāt even understand them myself.
I quit writing⦠not even in my journal⦠there just werenāt any words⦠they dried up. The emotions that I was feeling were too tender and raw. I didnāt want to read them and I didnāt want you to either.
I began yoga as my outlet⦠and it was incredible. The time I would have spent writing was spent on the mat⦠until it wasnāt⦠until⦠sitting by water⦠not writing⦠just sitting⦠and letting peace find me⦠was my survivalā¦
My sweet Mama passed away in July⦠and I found myself living in a tiny house at the lake. For months I have eaten, slept, read and looked at the water⦠and it has been enough⦠maybe all I could handle⦠as I gave myself away⦠or was I merely resting⦠healing⦠storing up things to say⦠Iām not really certain⦠but I know the magnificent white pelicans wintering on my slew⦠bring magic every time I see them⦠perhaps they are bringing back the words which have hidden so deeply in my heart⦠those raw and tender words⦠that maybe I am ready to read and shareā¦
And maybe… just maybe… Bertha is singing and dancing with the pelicans…
Jane
You can get your copy of Bertha-Size Your Life! here.
Oh Jane, I so understand that lost feeling after care giving. It is so difficult to allow ourselves to heal and focus on ourselves! I applaud you for moving in self care direction. Yoga, meditation and just being still and breathing are essential.
I love this post and you sharing your journey!
And yes, Bertha is singing and dancing with pelicans (and maybe your Mamaš„°)
Love and positive energy coming your way,
Michelle
Michelle, I agree. We are the harshest with ourselves. Healing time… however it looks is so essential.
Many Hugs!
Jane
I am so glad to see you! I am sorry about your mother, but I am so glad you have found peace.
Thank you Sandy. I am in a peaceful place.