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Reading Elizabeth Gilbertās Eat, Pray, Love touched me. I snatched my daughterās copyā¦it wasnāt speaking to herā¦it said volumes to me. I related to the ending of an important relationship, Iāve always been a spiritual personā¦and the hope of new loveā¦well I needed that most of all.
The book resonated with me for the moment and then I was on to something elseā¦or was I?
Bertha only pointed out to me yesterday as I was buying some lovely fall fashionsā¦in yet a larger sizeā¦that I had gotten stuck in the Eat stage. I know that itās trueā¦I eat for comfortā¦when Iām scaredā¦madā¦sadā¦I eat. And thatās what I had been doing for about two yearsā¦eatingā¦and undoing the weight loss efforts of the years before. Once againā¦I had become what I ateā¦a muffinā¦darn carbsā¦
Thankfully, before I could totally berate myself for each of those regained poundsā¦the Pray stage came along. It wasnāt the smooth, clear-cut transition in the bookā¦no hopping on a plane and landing in the land of mysticismā¦no it followed brain surgeryā¦wellā¦I didnāt know I was on her path or I would have chosen an ashram in Indiaā¦give me a break!
Brain surgery was actually a time of nothingā¦no emotionsā¦it was just blah. It wasnāt until the summer when I started to feel good again that the spiritual starvation was upon me. Suddenly, I couldnāt get enoughā¦Iāve read so many books and have established my own rituals of prayer and meditation that includes sending love and light to othersā¦
Iāll back up just a bit to the nothingā¦nothing is ever wastedā¦(pun intended)ā¦feeling no emotion I was able to revisit situations and relationships from my past and truly understand and forgiveā¦them and me. It was a nice benefitā¦but I wouldnāt recommend the surgery just for that outcomeā¦
I think Iām still in Prayā¦in factā¦I know I amā¦and thatās just fineā¦I do find that my eating is in check once againā¦as I practice loving not only God but myself and my bodyā¦itās easier to feed those emotions without carbs.
Soā¦I havenāt made it to Loveā¦yetā¦but I have made it to Blogā¦ which precedes Loveā¦Iāve reached the place where I can open myself up to myself and othersā¦and be vulnerableā¦and isnāt that what love really is?
Jane
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Very good one, Jane. There are so many thoughts running through my head on this one, but I'll condense them (did I hear a hallelujah?) to say that I too have realized that being myself rather than being what I believe others expect, is freeing and much more comfortable. It is also loving myself…which of course we have to do in order to love others, truly. By the way, you're wearing out my brain cells with this blog thing. Stop that! I only have so many left.
JJ…glad this resonated with you today…I'll try to spare those brain cells…but I think you've got a ton of them left…can't wait for you to be writing again…hint…hint…hint…
You may not have reached love yet Jane, but I love you and I love your writing! Gotta agree with you too, would like to read some JJ too!
Thanks, Edie…I love you, too! I'm hoping it won't be long before JJ joins us again…you know we have to take breaks from time to time. š
Love this Jane… It makes me realize that I haven't journaled since… oh… February. And, ya know, this last week, I've been noticing that my meditation practice has been, well, lacking.
I've had so much trouble reconnecting and getting still. You've made me realize that writing is my missing link.
I need to write again.
Jenn…I can honestly say that it is for me…whenever I can't seem to ground myself…I realize that I haven't been journaling…or writing anything for that matter. Thanks!
One step at a time…only way to get somewhere:)
Ruth Anne…
You are absolutely right…and for me…it seems to be one word at a time…