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Oh what a tangled web we weaveā¦when first we practice to deceiveāSir Walter Scott
Bertha and I are still discussing living our truthā¦and how that affects our lifeā¦so opportunities to learn more and go deeper keep showing up.
I recently read that any time we tell a lieā¦no matter how teeny, tinyā¦whiteā¦or innocent it seemsā¦that we are manipulating the other personā¦
I argued with itā¦donāt remember where I read itā¦but I do remember arguing with itā¦it of course wonā¦with Berthaās helpā¦the argument went something like thisā¦
Meā¦I donāt tell big liesā¦(itās trueā¦I donāt)ā¦and I only tell the itty-bitty ones because I donāt want to hurt someoneās feelingsā¦
Berthaā¦why donāt you want to hurt their feelingsā¦
Meā¦wellā¦theyāre my friendsā¦I donāt want to make them feel badā¦they might get mad at meā¦they might not like me anymoreā¦orā¦Iām embarrassed about something I didā¦they might think Iām foolishā¦they might not like me anymoreā¦
Berthaā¦andā¦donāt you see that is actually manipulating themā¦only saying things you think they want to hearā¦so they will like youā¦
Meā¦OMGā¦youāre rightā¦Iām not only a liarā¦Iām a manipulatorā¦
Berthaā¦letās donāt get carried awayā¦letās just say you were misguidedā¦
Meā¦exhaleā¦(Iāve been waiting to do that)ā¦
Bertha went on to talk hypothetically about having lunch at a friendāsā¦and trying out her newest recipeā¦which is totally unpalatableā¦but when she asks how it isā¦saying itāsā¦tastyā¦deliciousā¦yummoā¦thinking Iāve spared her feelingsā¦she still likes meā¦sheāll have me over for lunch againā¦
And she doesā¦but she always serves that same dishā¦because she thinks it is my favoriteā¦then I would start making excuses not to goā¦and that might hurt her feelingsā¦and she might not have me over for lunch againā¦
Bertha also points outā¦that it could also go another wayā¦she could take my approval as the go ahead to make the dish for someone elseā¦thinking mother-in-lawā¦garden clubā¦potluckā¦eventuallyā¦somebodyās gonna tell her the truthā¦sheāll be humiliatedā¦and sheāll know I liedā¦and probably wonāt like me so muchā¦probably wonāt have me over for lunch againā¦hmmmā¦
Soā¦Bertha and I are still trashing out living our truthā¦and being our authentic selfā¦there seem to be a lot of layersā¦like peeling an artichokeā¦spiny leaves on the outsideā¦followed by a big hairy messā¦until finallyā¦if you keep peelingā¦you reach the sweet heart of the matterā¦
Iāll take mine with butterā¦lemonā¦and just a hint of garlicā¦would you like the recipeā¦maybe Iāll ask you for lunchā¦
Jane
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That reminds me of one time when the children and I went to a relative’s home to eat dinner. The cook asked me if I liked a new dish that she had made. I didn’t want to tell her the truth because she had gone to a lot of trouble cooking it and seem to think it was delicious. I went, “uh… well… sorta… uh…I… uh”. My son who was 4 didn’t hesitate. He blurted out, “baaaad!” I was so embarrassed.
She was really a terrific cook tho, with just about every thing she made.
Oh…Mary…Don’t you love the honesty of children…we should take a lesson…maybe a little more tact…but a lesson all the same! My experience was at my Grandmother’s…she made this horrible soup…and my sister and I told her we liked it…so she froze it…and gave it to us every time we went there for what seemed like months! Like your friend…she was usually a great cook! š