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Bertha and I have been talking about living our truth latelyā¦what does it really meanā¦we got pretty deepā¦she put on high-heeled mud boots at one pointā¦but I think itās worth sharingā¦so grab some bootsā¦and read onā¦
Living my truth is multi-facetedā¦not hardā¦but often difficultā¦itās more than just not lying when my friend asks if these pants make her butt look fatā¦
Itās coming from an authentic placeā¦and thatās scaryā¦because that makes me open for inspectionā¦for approvalā¦for disapprovalā¦for criticism of the core of my beingā¦
The fact of the matter isā¦I will be rejectedā¦thatās just lifeā¦I wonāt be everyoneās cup of teaā¦the question isā¦who am I willing to let be rejectedā¦the real Janeā¦or some plastic-self Iāve created to please the crowdā¦even the crowd of one otherā¦
Boyā¦that cuts to the heart of the matterā¦at first it seems that Iād rather have the plastic-self rejectedā¦then the real me could still be safeā¦but it doesnāt work that wayā¦
I know because Iāve tried itā¦many timesā¦and what I do is just create more and more plastic-selvesā¦until they are piled in the closetā¦naked with gnarled hair and twisted limbsā¦like so many discarded Barbie Dollsā¦
Andā¦instead of feeling safeā¦I buried me even moreā¦
Showing my authentic self to the world is a choiceā¦I make it with every interaction that I haveā¦sometimes itās easyā¦sometimes not so muchā¦
Likeā¦reallyā¦what do you say when someone asks you how you areā¦and you arenātā¦do you sayā¦fineā¦or give a litany of complaintsā¦even Bertha doesnāt have an answer to that questionā¦she did just ask me if her butt looks big in those pantsā¦hmmmā¦here we go againā¦
Jane
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Oh Jane… I am dealing with the same thing here on my end. Long, emotional story short…
Being deathly afraid of my own authenticity came to a head this week… I'm to a point where, I either get out there, be me, – which requires me to go big… or go small.
Going small is A LOT scarier than going big… going small means I never get to live my dream – I have to go back to living someone else's…
I'm scared – I'm afraid like crazy of not being validated in what I do. I can deal with rejection – people not showing up to classes, people choosing to work with another fitness coach… that's easy… it's the things I see as "me not being validated" that scare the hell outta me.
But, I'm going for it.
As for what you tell people when you're NOT fine… I usually go with "I am well" – said with a smile on my face… because, even if I'm not FINE… I am "well…" LOL!!
And, I think I have a whole box of those discarded Barbie's in the basement… hmmm… wonder if people would think it was weird if I put one on my alter as an inspiration to always be myself…
Jenn…thanks for your candor…I always love connecting with you!
I remember a few years back when you, Edie, and I started a Master Mind Group…Go Big, Girl…we called it…
Even though we've all gone in different directions than we were headed at the time…I think we've all grown and blossomed…
Taking my cue from Dirty Dancing…nobody puts Jenn (Baby) in the corner…Go Big, Girl…Go Big…
And I love the Barbie on the alter…
Go Big, Girl!!! That's my mantra for today š
And I'm glad to see that you are! Much success to you!